This post is a part of Five Minute Friday, a writing flash mob that happens every week when writers are prompted by a single word to write for 5 minutes without any major editing. Just raw thoughts and emotions. You can find out more and/or join the party here.
I couldn’t find her. No matter where I looked, she wasn’t there anymore. Used to be when she walked through a room people would stop and stare after her. It wasn’t because she was super model beautiful, she wasn’t, it was because she held a confidence that even she didn’t know she possessed until she lost it. She used to bubble over with laughter. She was vibrant and alive and she knew what it meant to shine. I don’t know when it happened, but one day I looked in the mirror and I couldn’t find her there anymore. The person who replaced her was bitter and ugly and angry and just an awful person. There was no laughter anymore. You see, I had let someone chip away at who I was. I let him become the voice in my head telling me I wasn’t good enough, among other things. On a bad day, when I’m in just the right kind of down mood, I can still hear that voice, and I have to fight to silence it.
The road from broken to not so broken is a long one. It was a slow journey from there to here. That girl in the mirror? I still can’t find her. I see glimpses of her every now and again, but she was never who I was meant to stay. She was just one stop along the journey to who God made me to be.