Love is hard. The blending of two lives into one requires hard work and sacrifice. It requires that you constantly think of someone else before you think of yourself. Love requires a willingness to look beyond someone’s faults in order to love them completely and unconditionally. That unconditional love in turn makes them want to be a better person for you. It is hard to be all of those things all of the time. I’d say it’s pretty impossible in fact. And so there are arguments and resentments. Differences become more blaring and communication breaks down. You have to be willing to work together as a team to resolve the problems that pop up. Sometimes you have to be willing to dig in your heals and fight for the love you started with when you can’t find it as easily as you once did. And even when one of you is willing there is no guarantee that the other will be willing to fight for you. What happens then? What happens when one person wants to fight for a relationship that the other wants to walk away from?
That’s when heartbreak enters the picture. Pain so intense that you feel like you won’t survive it. There is nothing more painful than a broken heart.
It was a cold night in December when he got down on one knee in front of our friends. We had been dating for four and a half months at that point. I had no idea! I loved that antique ring, but not as much as I still love that man.
It started with a single text and graduated to all night phone calls that left me feeling like a giddy teenager again. Then there was the first date with all the butterflies. I can still remember the feeling of nervous excitement as I walked up to his apartment that night. With that first kiss I was a goner. The next four and a half months were the stuff of my own personal fairy tale. Not to say that there weren’t moments of tension and troubles that came up in that time. But we loved each other so very much. I was certain that he was my one.
The excitement after the engagement eventually died down and life returned mostly to normal. But in the span of another six months he was ready to walk away. There were warnings. We had been arguing a good bit and weren’t spending a lot of quality time together. We hadn’t been connecting. In the end the facts were that I wanted to fight for us and he didn’t. No amount of crying or telling him we could work everything out would change his mind. And yes, I tried to talk him back into us. But don’t you know that you can’t make someone want to be with you.
That was four months ago now and I can’t tell you how much I have cried, everywhere in my little town. It has been the longest four months of my life and I am still utterly heartbroken. I don’t let go easily. I am a fighter.
The Next Chapter– Healing
Join me for my October series 31 Days of Self Healing.