You read that right. I want you to get mad. That may seem like odd advise. You have to have the proper motivation to stand up and fight for yourself. Anger properly harnessed can give you the will to stand up for yourself. To fight for what you deserve. And to see more clearly the ways you have been mistreated. The ways your feelings and needs have been overlooked. It will give you the strength needed to do the hard things that have to be done for healing to happen.
Loving him doesn’t mean I can’t be angry with him too. The way I see it, he gets one decision. He decided he didn’t want to be with me. Until the aftermath of that decision dies down, that is the only one he gets that impacts my life. Now I get to decide if and when I’m ready to be friends. That has been the major issue with us since we broke up. I told him over and over again that I need room to get over us, over him, before I can be his friend. But he wanted to be friends now, so he pushed and pushed until finally it all blew up. I finally stood up for myself and demanded what I deserve. This isn’t about him. It’s about me demanding the space my heart needs to heal from the damage he’s already done to it. Why couldn’t he just give me the room I needed? It feels like it’s been a fight from the very beginning. What he wants verses what I need to be able to move on. The issue was pushed and now we’ve both lost. I stood up for myself and my needs and he got angry and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore. I don’t know if we will ever be able to be friends again after all this. And it makes me mad.
I do not need him! I love him and I want him, but I do not need him. The feelings I have will dissipate eventually. I lived before him and I will survive to live after all the feelings are gone. But I refuse to make myself small anymore to meet his wants over my own needs. He got one decision. That’s the only one he gets that concerns my life. I let him call the shots for the first four months of this break up, but now I’m taking charge of my own world. See, he isn’t concerned with how I’m feeling or what I need. He just wants what he wants when he wants it, with no regard for me.
You have to stand up and fight for yourself. Your ex doesn’t have what’s best for you in mind. If he were that concerned with your feelings you probably wouldn’t be going through the heartache in the first place. He had the chance to stay and instead he walked away. That’s the only decision he gets!
Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.