Relationships are hard. Love is hard. If I could go back and do it all over again I would do some things different. I would do some things better. I am far from perfect and I make tons of mistakes, but I would like to think that given the chance I usually learn from them and come back better the next time.
There is nothing I can do about my faded relationship. It doesn’t matter how much I want him if he doesn’t want me back. I think of him and our time together day and night. Which helps with the task at hand. While we both had a hand in the destruction of our relationship. There’s nothing I could have or can do about his part in it. That is his to ponder. But what I can do is examine my own missteps that led up to our end. He was the greatest love of my life up until this point. Loosing him has been the hardest season of life I have had to walk through. I am determined to do everything in my power not to have to go through this again. How do I propose to do that you might ask? It’s simple really. I am committing to spending time thinking back to my time with him and looking for the things that I could have done better. The places where I didn’t communicate with him well, or the times when I was selfish and didn’t think of his needs. The times when I was not the best version of myself. I’m gonna think about those times. Turn them over and over in my mind until I come up with ways I could have done them better. I’m gonna pray over those particular faults of mine. Ask God to help me to grow in those areas. And hope beyond hope that one day I will get the chance to be a better woman for someone somewhere down the road. I want to learn from the mistakes I made so I don’t make them all over again the next time.
It is a daunting thought to think of another love coming along. It seems scary right now to trust someone that much again. But I am going to strive to be a better version of me the next time around. I want to be a better woman. Now for my children and later for the right man. The one who will have the fortitude to stay and fight for us, to stand up and lead the way for our family. The one who will love me through all my flaws, and give me the conviction to always strive to be a better me.
Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.