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3 Months….What I’ve Learned Since My Mom Passed Away

November 24, 2017 By mollieh02 13 Comments

I have been trying for 3 months now to put into words the torrent of emotions that hit when your Mom passes away, but there are just no words. This feeling is indescribable. I am no stranger to death. My big brother passed away 12 years ago, all my grandparents 15 years ago, and I can’t even tell you the number of friends I’ve lost along the way. But there is just something different when it’s your mom. There are just no words. The best I can do is that there is nothing that will make you feel like a very small and frightened child like facing life without your momma for the first time.

So instead of trying to describe this feeling I’m going to tell you what I’ve learned these last three months.  Give me some grace in this post. My thoughts and emotions are still somewhat jumbled.

When your people need you, you show up. No excuses.

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Sometimes life crumbles around you and in my opinion it’s then that you discover the people who are real in your life. Not the ones who are just there to see what they can get out of you, or to ride with you during your highlight reel, but the ones who are really in your life to be a part of it, for the good and the bad. It is a treasure to find those people who will have your back no matter what.

I will never be able to adequately tell you how much all the people who have stood by my side during this major life change have meant to me.

 

Sometimes the people you think will be by your side when the unthinkable happens aren’t When that happens, when someone doesn’t show up for you like to think they should, don’t put them on blast. People are imperfect. They get wrapped up in their own lives and can’t see outside of themselves. Besides, you never know what someone is going through in private. Be the bigger person. Don’t let your pain distort who you are. How they react to you is theirs to deal with and to answer for. Your reactions are yours alone. I can’t say this loudly enough, social media is not the place to air your grievances with someone. Just don’t be that person.

Show up and show off for your people, even if they weren’t there for you when you needed them.

I am reminded of this Mother Teresa quote that says it all. Let’s embrace the wisdom of those who walked this Earth before us.

 

People are often unreasonable and self-centered

FORGIVE THEM ANYWAY

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives

BE KIND ANYWAY

If you are honest, people may cheat you

BE HONEST ANYWAY

If you find happiness, people may be jealous

BE HAPPY ANYWAY

The good you do today may be forgotten

DO GOOD ANYWAY

Give the world your best and it may never be enough

GIVE YOUR BEST ANYWAY

for you see, in the end it is between

YOU AND GOD

It was never between you and them anyway.

-Mother Teresa

 

And just one more wise quote for good measure.

Be the change you wish to see in the world.

– Mahatma Gandhi

 

To My Momma….

Yesterday I had Thanksgiving without you for the first time. There have been other tables with other families that I’ve sat at over the years, but the day ALWAYS included you. Never would I ever have dared to miss dinner at your house. It was a good day, Mom. The family I spent the day with, they will never know how much it meant to me to be with them and to be welcomed in so seamlessly, even though I must have told my friend half a dozen times already. Words just don’t do justice to the impact that small act of kindness had on me. They made it a little easier to make it through the day.

My heart and my head are still having trouble processing that you just won’t be here for all of these things anymore. There are reminders of you everywhere I turn. I see pumpkin pie and I think of that buttermilk pie you made that you forgot to put sugar in. Oh, it was so bad! The other day there was a funny challenge on Facebook where you were asked to text your mom and ask her how long you microwave a 25lb turkey and then share what she said. I can just see you shaking your head as you tell me that you can’t microwave a turkey! I still can’t fathom that you aren’t there for me to call with these silly things. I’m supposed to be able to call you with all the questions I have. I wasn’t ready for you to go. There are still so many things I still just don’t know how to do like you did them. It just doesn’t feel real that life won’t include you anymore.

I’ll be ok, Mom. I have people. I have amazing people, but that doesn’t mean I don’t miss you every single second of every day. You are never far from my thoughts. Life is still a little bit one day at a time right now, but the tears, they come less frequently and the memories, they bring warmth and joy.

I love you, Mom!

 

 

Godspeed,

Mollie  <3

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Gayl says

    November 24, 2017 at 7:00 PM

    This is beautiful, Mollie! Love and hugs to you. ❤❤❤
    Gayl recently posted…RonnieMy Profile

    Reply
    • mollieh02 says

      November 24, 2017 at 7:03 PM

      Thank you, Gayl! I love you! Thank you for all the prayers and conversations over the years since we met! I am grateful for you!

      Reply
  2. Teri says

    November 24, 2017 at 8:22 PM

    Beautifully said. I would comment more, but I can’t see through the tears…♥️
    Teri recently posted…KristyMy Profile

    Reply
    • mollieh02 says

      November 30, 2017 at 3:47 PM

      Oh, thank you, Teri!

      Reply
  3. Joanne Viola says

    November 25, 2017 at 8:18 AM

    Tears are rolling. This is just beautiful. I am sorry for your loss. At the same time, having my mom yet (and she is 82yo), I cannot imagine the day she will no longer be with us. May God bring you strength and comfort during this time. And may your memories sustain you as your mom will always be with you in the remembering. Blessings!

    Reply
  4. Karen Sebastian says

    November 25, 2017 at 12:21 PM

    Great job of letting go of expectations as others deal with their grief in the only way they seem to know how to do so. Love your honor and tribute to your sweet Mom. What a treasure! Hugs!!!!

    Reply
  5. Barbie says

    November 26, 2017 at 4:09 PM

    This is just so beautiful and heart felt Mollie. Thank you for sharing your journey of grief with us. Such treasured words.

    Reply
  6. Debbie Williams says

    November 30, 2017 at 8:58 AM

    Beautiful tribute Mollie. I found it so hard to lose my Dad, but when I lost Mom it hurt even more.

    Reply
  7. Janel says

    November 30, 2017 at 9:22 AM

    Dear friend,
    The loss of your mother runs so deep doesnt it. I still remember when my grandma passed away and all the times my mom picked up the phone to call her and then realized she wasnt there. I am so sorry friend.
    I am so thankful for friends that surround you with deep love and open their arms and families wide. You ARE loved dear Mollie

    Reply
  8. Annie says

    November 30, 2017 at 10:15 AM

    Mollie, thank you for sharing this part of your journey…. My grandma passed away this year (she was so ready) and my mom was saying how different it is losing her mom. Love & prayers for you as you continue to process this grief.

    Reply
  9. Jeannie Prinsen says

    November 30, 2017 at 12:19 PM

    Hi, I came over from the FMF Facebook group this morning.This is beautiful. My condolences for the loss of your mom. I lost my mother in 2014 (she was 79). She started feeling unwell in late July, was diagnosed with advanced liver cancer in August, and died in September. It is so hard. I always feel it more around Christmastime; she’d be phoning me to see what our kids might like for Christmas, etc.

    And I agree with your points about showing up when it counts, but not being too hard on people when they don’t show up for us. We just never know what people are capable of — and as the saying goes, “Expectations are just resentments waiting to happen.” I appreciate your gracious perspective.

    Reply
  10. SUSAN SHIPE says

    November 30, 2017 at 3:35 PM

    Mollie, my mom’s been gone 5+ years and I still want to call her. I wish I could say it gets easier but it doesn’t – life just becomes different. Love to you and your sister as you navigate this very difficult life change. xo

    Reply
  11. Karen says

    December 1, 2017 at 10:17 PM

    Losing a mother is never easier. Not a day goes by that I don’t think about my mom and she passed away ion 2003. It gets easier in time, or maybe we just learn that it is ok to miss them, but we will see them again one day so we aren’t so sad about it.

    Reply

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Hi! I'm Mollie! I'm so glad you stopped by. My hope is to be able to show you how to discover what I like to call God's little love notes sprinkled all throughout your days. I promise you'll find them if you just look for them.

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