My heart is hurting and has been for several months now.  Even though I am an introvert by nature, I just need to talk.  It’s how I process.  How I work out all my feelings and emotions.  God has blessed me with some amazing friends.  Finding someone you can trust enough to reveal the innermost parts of you too when you are already wounded can be difficult.  Unfortunately I have found some people who have proven untrustworthy.  Several times I have had things I’ve said return to me through my ex.  That’s ok.  Not everyone is meant to hold that spot in your life.  Not everyone is meant to be a confidant.  Not everyone can remain neutral in situations like this.  When you find those people you just make sure to guard what you say in front of them.  Sometimes the basics are all people need to hear.  But the friends I can talk to about all the feelings.  All the emotions.  Those are the ones I thank God for.  Because I just need to talk.  I talk about all the things that run on a loop through my head and I don’t worry that they will judge or that they will tell someone.  They are the ones who now, nearly five months later, will still listen.  Will still offer encouragement.  They are the ones who will celebrate with me when I take a step towards letting go of him.

Friends are some of God’s greatest gifts.  They are the family that we choose for ourselves.  They are the ones who stick with us through thick and thin times.

If you’re someone who needs to talk it out like I am, grab a friend.  Buy them some coffee and pour out your story to them.  True friends will always listen.

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

It can be incredibly easy to focus on how you’re feeling and what you’ve lost with the ending of a relationship.  It can be easy to be consumed by those feelings.  So much so that you loose sight of everything else.  Of what’s really important.  Not to say that your feelings aren’t important, because they are, but they’re temporary.  Even if you never loose the love you have for the person that left you, eventually the pain with ease.  The tears will stop flowing and you’ll begin to forget what it feels like to be in constant pain.

Instead I think you should focus on what you gained from the relationship.  You can’t be so close to someone that you are planning to spend your life with them and walk away from that relationship unchanged.  If they truly touched your heart there is something good to take from your time with them.  No matter how you feel right now.  It is the things that changed you that will live on long after the pain has died away.

In the early days he showed me what it was to be truly adored.

He taught me the importance of scripture memory and how to go about it.

With him I learned what it means to love someone unconditionally.  That loving someone isn’t based on how they act towards you and what they do, but is a decision that you make every day.

Watching him I learned what it looks like to really love people of all kinds.  What it means to love the people the world tends to discount, the homeless, inmates, and former inmates.  I used to love watching him just love on people.

Through him I learned that I tend to be selfish.  (I know that doesn’t sound like a good thing, but it is.  I have been working on correcting that since I realized it.)

Through the pain of loosing him I have learned that I am stronger than I think I am.  (People in my life have been telling me that I am for the last few months anyway.)

 

These are just a few of the things I will keep with me as the pain of loss subsides.  These are the things that will help me grow as I walk through this life.  There are other things, and probably some things that I haven’t realized yet, that have changed me.  But, you can’t blend two lives and walk away from that relationship unchanged in some way.  What things will you take with you from a lost relationship?

 

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I’m writing out of a very personal place this morning. I really should have called this post Setbacks Happen Part 2.  Yesterday I had the mother of all setbacks.  My ex informed me that he’s dating someone, and then after an argument, that he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.  What do you do when something happens that burns your carefully rebuilt world down?  I’ll tell you what I did.  I cried… all night long.  I spent the better part of the night messaging my best friend about all the thoughts that were running through my head.  Each and every one of them.  Then I watched tv until I fell asleep.  It wasn’t a good sleep.  I woke up in an awful mood and didn’t make the bed because I fully intended on sleeping all day after I dropped my boys off at school.

But then my friend messaged me this morning and asked me if I wanted to come over and go run errands. It’s like with that single text a lightbulb flicked on.  I came home and made the bed, took a shower and went to the Father in prayer and praise.  See, it’s in that moment that I thanked God that I have the ability to love someone so completely that it burns me to the ground when it’s over.  A lot of people can’t put everything they have into love.  I have no doubt that I do, because every single fiber of my being hurt last night as I cried the night away.  (There is something to be thankful for in every situation if you just seek it out.)

Healing requires movement.  Yes, God is the only one who can heal a broken heart.  But if you’re just going to lay in bed all day, He’s going to stand back and wait until you’re ready to move.  God doesn’t need our help to get things done, but He won’t do anything for us that we can do for ourselves.  So, today I got up and I’m walking along side Him on the road to healing.  Today I got a little bit stronger.

 

Setbacks happen, but they don’t have to bring your healing to a grinding halt.  Take the time you need to deal with the setback (I did cry all night) and then get back up, dust yourself off, and continue on.  Strength comes in the moments where you could sleep all day, but instead you choose to get up and walk alongside the Father.
Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

Today was a stressful kind of day.  It’s Sunday and I served at church today.  I know what you’re thinking.  How could that be stressful, right?  Well, the thing is my ex and I still go to the same church. Now, I love my church and my pastor is a gifted preacher, but I have thought a thousand times over about trying to find a different church in the past few months.  But my church is home.  They are my family.  Even with the ex who I don’t know how be around at this point.  I miss him so terribly much, but I don’t know what to say to him when we’re around other people.  I can’t say all the things I’m thinking, so it’s just awkward hellos.  Then we get home and it is WWIII trying to get my kids to clean their rooms.

So, after all that, what do I do?  I go get on one of my favorite pairs of fuzzy comfy pajama pants and I grab my coloring book, or pages I printed off, and the sharpies!  I know.  I know.  Coloring at my age?  Sometimes you just have to release your inner child and let them take over.

I know you’ve probably heard that coloring can help to reduce stress in adults.  I know it sounds a bit silly, but I love to color!  Coloring really can be calming.  As my focus shifts to concentrate on the page in front of me the stresses of the day starts to fade away for awhile.  The tensions in my muscles lessen as I focus on  trying to color inside the lines in all those tiny shapes.  I love the way the colors come alive as I pour them out onto the page.  And you’re left with the sense of accomplishment of having created something beautiful!  I sprinkled this page with a few of the coloring pages I’ve done lately.

Sometimes when I’m coloring the boys will come sit at the table with me and color too!  They love using my sharpies, which I only let them do when I’m with them.  Nothing says I’m a mommy like family coloring time!  LOL!  But I love that we can enjoy that together.

Where do I get adult coloring pages?  I have a few coloring books that I bought in stores.  You can find them in most any store really.  You can find tons of printable pages if you search adult coloring pages on Pinterest or just on the internet.  I have a file folder labeled “Mommy Coloring Pages” that I put the pages in as I print them offline.  That way I have them handy when I have a morning like this one.  Just today I learned about another source for adult coloring pages!  At church this morning one of my friends showed me an adult coloring app on her phone!  I never thought to look for an app on the phone.  I of course downloaded it as soon as I got home!  The phone app is fun, and easy if you’re out of the house and need something to center yourself.  But like with most things I prefer the paper version.

Tip: Don’t forget a piece of cardboard or something to put under your paper or you’ll be scrubbing marker off your table.

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

It’s a Friday night here in my little town, and I’m home alone.  My kids are gone to their dad’s for the night.  This is one of those times when it would be easy to let the feelings and emotions and missing him to get to me.  Romans 8:28 tells us, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”  This broken heart is just another chance for God to show up and show off for us!  While you’re waiting for God to show off, I invite you to find the joy.  Life is beautiful even in the midst of pain.  There are love notes from God sprinkled all throughout the days for each and every one of us.  He is exactly what you need, exactly when you need it.  Always.  So look around and find those love notes left there just for you.  Here are some of the ones I’ve found lately.

 

I went to my women’s Bible study on Wednesday night and one of my friends was sitting beside me.  (Ok, this particular joy is telling of what a dork I can be!)  As we are sitting there listening to our teacher I noticed the pen my friend was writing with.  It was so cool!  A fancy gel pen.  I may have gone to Wal-Mart in search of these pens…. Since I was a little girl, fun pens and lip gloss/ chapstick have been one of the ways to my heart!  I can remember as a child my grandma would take me school shopping and by shopping I mean for pens and makeup!  I’m sure she bought the other stuff too, but the makeup and pens are what I remember!  (Sadly I am out of my favorite chapsticks right now, the EOS spheres and Burt’s Bees honey chapstick.)

 

That same night my kids were in AWANAS.  They don’t get to go to church very often because they spend most weekends with their father.  So, I love that AWANAS is during the week.  On the way home that night they were both so excited that they talked the entire 20 minutes home.  When they weren’t telling me about it they were sitting in the back seat asking each other what verses they had read out loud!  My oldest insisted on reading his verse to me when we got home!  Nothing will give a momma’s heart more joy than her babies getting so excited about time spent at church!

 

30 second dance parties!  Well, ours are a bit longer than that, but you get the jist.  There is nothing funnier than getting my two babies up and dancing with me.  Them dancing only came after I played the same song three times while trying to pull them to their feet while they looked at me like I am the single most embarrassing creature ever.

 

Then there are my furry babies.  My cat and dog and I are stuck together like glue.  Really, I should have named them Shadow 1 and Shadow 2 because they are my constant shadows when it’s just me and them up at night or in the house during the day.  Honestly, I did not want animals, but I am so glad they are a part of our family.  They are endlessly entertaining.  My dog thinks the house is under attack when I vacuum and goes crazy.  The cat races up and down the halls like a herd of elephants.

 

Imagine what a shame it would have been if I had been so caught up in how I was feeling and missed these beautiful moments.  Life is too short to miss these things.  Keep your eyes open and let me know what love notes God has left for you recently!

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I think this is the hardest post for me to write because it was hardest thing I’ve had to do during this time.  Walking away from him, cutting off our contact with each other, was the hardest thing I had to do. We tried to be friends after we broke up.  We talked or saw each other very nearly every day.  That went on for four months.  I got to be near him, but I never got any lasting relief from the pain.  It was torturous being near him so much and not being able to reach out and hold his hand or to be sitting beside him on the couch and not be able to lean into his embrace.  I  was ignoring something I had known all along.  See, I can remember telling him early on that if we ever broke up that I wouldn’t be able to be friends with him for awhile.  When faced with life completely without him however, I buckled.  I just wanted to be near him, and part of me really thought that if we spent time together that he would remember why he loved me and want to get back together.  But here we are and obviously that didn’t happen.  Some people have the ability to put feelings aside and be friends with their ex soon after a breakup.  I am not one of those people.  I need room to be broken and time to heal.

There is no way for a broken heart to heal if you are constantly subjecting it to what broke it in the first place. 

It has been eleven days since I have seen or talked to him.  Eleven days might seem like an insignificant amount of time to you, but that’s eleven days I haven’t talked to the person I have been closest to for the past year and half.  Eleven days of feeling alone.  Eleven days can seem like so much longer when you find yourself in a new stage of life that you didn’t want to walk into at all.  Honestly after four months of still talking to him every day and now not talking to him, it kind of feels like we just broke up all over again.  These last eleven days has taken a strength that feels like it’s about to fail me every few minutes.  I still check my phone every morning to see if he texted or called me during the night.  I still long to hear his ringtone light up my phone.

 God doesn’t want you bound by pain.  I know you just want to be near him.  At some point you have to take his pictures off the wall.  You have to throw out his toothbrush.  Put all the letters and pictures in a box out of sight.  You have to walk away for a time so your heart can heal.  So the pain can ease.  I promise you I didn’t want to either, but I did.  I still miss him every day.  I still want him back and part of me is still waiting for him to knock on my door.  Those are going to take some more time to fade away, but I feel slightly stronger than I did before.  You will too.  This is the hard part. The part where you have to do what you don’t want to so that you can heal and walk forward stronger.  The rest is learning to refocus.  To look to what you still have instead of focusing on what you’ve lost.

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I was having a particularly difficult morning one day not too long ago, and I called an older lady who attends my church.  I was pretty much sobbing.  I had been crying for three days straight because I had one of those setbacks I talked about in an earlier post.  She prayed and then she said, “What are you doing today.  I want to know where you’re going.  You have leave your house.  You can’t just sit there miserable all day.”  Yesterday was the first time I’d seen her since that morning and she asked if I really did go out that day.

I know that really all you want to do is curl up in bed and cry all day long.  Every day.  Trust me, I know.  I have that same feeling frequently.  That would be the devil working in your life, and in mine.  The devil wants to isolate you so that it is easier to bring about his plans in your life.  Sitting in the house alone just keeps you focused on how you’re feeling.  Which can bring on a sense of hopelessness.  God made us to be in community with one another. We were never meant to walk through this life alone.  So, get out of the house.  Go to a coffee house, the mall, a movie, a friend’s house.  Just go somewhere there are other people.  You don’t necessarily have to talk to them.  Just go.  Just being out among other people will make you feel better.  Help you to shake that feeling of loneliness.  Give you a better outlook for the day.

I did go somewhere that day I called her.

I went to my favorite little coffee house!  It’s a locally owned shop that just so happens to be owned by a friend of mine.  So he doesn’t mind when I go camp out for a little while.  I go and write, or read a book, do a Bible Study, meet some friends, or just people watch.  It is absolutely one of my favorite spots in my little town!  That day there was a sunflower sitting on each table, which happens to be one of my two favorite flowers.  Don’t you love when God leaves you a little love note that only you will recognize?

 

 

 

 

This is one of my favorite paintings hanging in the shop!  I have a thing for bicycle art right now!  I don’t know why.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She asked me that day, so now I’m asking you, “Where are you going to go to get out of the house?  I want to know!”

 

Godspeed,

Mollie  <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I have a never ending stream of words running through my head.  It consists of all the things I want to tell my ex.  All the different ways I feel and the things I don’t understand.  The ways I think we can work things out and the future I can still see for us.  It’s been rolling around in there since the day he left me.  The words just keep coming no matter how many times I’ve let them out over the last few months.  It’s a self refreshing stream that never ends and never runs dry.

It’s been just over four months since the break up.  I have come to realize in this time that there is a right way and a wrong way to purge the words from rolling around in my head when they get overwhelming.  For a good while I just told him everything I thought.  Every time I thought it.  I told him on the phone, in person, or via email or text.  I told him.  For the most part he knows everything I’ve been thinking. That would be the wrong way.  Somewhere along this very long road it was brought to my attention that I’ve been selfish in continually pouring out all of my feelings onto him.  I wasn’t taking into account how he felt about having to constantly hear my crying about how much I miss him and how I want to get back together.  I was in effect badgering him.  That doesn’t accomplish anything.  I didn’t feel any better after telling him everything and I would wager that he just got increasingly frustrated with it.

So, I have this little notebook full of letters I’ve written to the guy I love.  No one will ever see it, but it fills my need to dump out all the words I have rolling around in my head.  Whenever they get too overwhelming I put pen to paper and pour them out onto the page.  It’s a release of sorts.  But then I am a writer by nature.

If writing doesn’t work for you, grab a friend to talk to instead.  Pour out all of your feelings.  Just don’t pour them out onto your ex.  Hopefully this will get to you in time so that you can handle your overflow of words a little more gracefully than I have.  Honestly, the simple truth is he doesn’t care about my feelings.  He made his decision.  Nothing I had to say made any difference and really after a few days he knew most everything I had to say.  Save yourself the embarrassment.  Clear your head the right way.

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I believe in the power of love and in second chances.

I believe that one day his little orange car could come rolling into my driveway.  He could come up my steps and look at me with that sheepish look he gets when he’s nervous.  He could tell me that he loves me, that he misses me, and that he wants to get back together.  It could happen.

I believe in the power of love and in second chances.

I believe that people come back and build stronger relationships.

I believe that sometimes impossible dreams come true.

I believe that only God can change a heart.  And only He knows which path our story will take.

Now, I fully realize that the man I love may never come back to me.   A year from now I could wake up and not know him anymore.  Not think of him.  Hear his first name and not bat an eye.  We may never get a second chance to start again.  But I still believe it could happen.  It is my impossible dream.  I believe partly because I need to believe that the deepest desire of my heart is possible.  And partly because I serve a big God.  The God of 3 days dead and then raised from the grave.  The God of miracles.

It’s ok to believe in things that people say won’t happen.  It’s ok to believe in things that are so big they intimidate you.  It’s ok to believe in the impossible.

Dream big.  Believe in the impossible.  And never let anyone tell you that your dreams are too big.

I believe in the power of love and in second chances.

What do you believe in?

 

Godspeed,

Mollie  <3
Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.