Hi, I’m Mollie. But what you really want to know is what’s hiding behind that name. What makes me different than anyone else. What hats do I wear and what worries do I carry with me through my days.
I’m not thrilled with my current situation. 7 months ago I lost a custody battle My kids live an hour from me. I see them 6 days a month. I hear all the time how other parents can’t imagine, and I promise you that is absolutely true. It’s not something you get used to. I call them every night, and still, sometimes by the end of the call I’m holding back the tears, because that’s all I get. A few minutes a night on the phone with them. I re-entered the working world almost a year ago now and I’m struggling. I’m having trouble paying the bills. The major ones are paid this month; the car payment, car insurance and electric bill. The others, well, I’ll figure it out. I sell ketones because I’m pretty sure they have helped me not have a full on nervous break down over the last two years. Which is when my life started careening out of control. I struggle to get out of bed because it’s just easier to sleep through it. Some days I don’t get out of bed.
You may be wondering why I’m sharing such very personal stuff. I think it’s in the hiding behind a fake smile and pretending everything is ok that we get stuck in our circumstances. It’s ok to not be ok. It’s ok to struggle with the internal dialog running through your head. But, please, find somebody to share it with. It’s in the sharing that light gets in. Light and darkness cannot exist in the same place. I’ve help to that concept. Clung to it as a lifeline.
I trust that God has a plan even when I can’t see it. Even when I feel like nothing will ever get better.
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