You might know that I am an online fitness coach. You also might know that I went through the worst heartbreak of my life one year ago. One year and one week ago to be precise. I have struggled along the way. There have been many many ups and downs over the past year. I have shed enough tears to fill an ocean. I have pleaded and screamed at God to just make it better. It was better for awhile and then it wasn’t and then was, and so on and so forth. It’s been a rollercoaster of ups and downs. But you see that’s my fault. A certain amount of emotional turmoil is expected when the person you are engaged to walks away from you, but it’s been a year. The reason I say it’s my fault that it’s gone on so long is that I never cut of contact with him. In fact I saw him just four days ago. But there’s been a shift. Not in him. He’s the same as he’s been this whole time. He reaches for me when he needs someone who knows all there is to know and loves him anyway, and then when he’s feeling better he can’t be bothered until the next time he’s feeling down. The shift was in me. I came home a week or so ago from visiting him and I was mad and upset AGAIN. I caught myself snapping at my kids and being in just a horrible rotten mood because I was upset with him. That’s when it shifted. I don’t know what it was exactly. But I felt it. And yes, I have seen him again since then, but it was the seeing him again that cemented the shift I believe.
Here’s my question to you: How can you expect things to change when you aren’t willing to do the hard work required to change them? Hold on just a minute if you’re about to say something like “With God all things are possible.” I know that to be true because I have I don’t know how many Bibles in my house that say just that. What I also know to be true is that God will not do anything for you that you can do for yourself. God will not heal my broken heart miraculously when I keep letting it get broken over and over again by this same man because I don’t want to have to let go of him. I know that God will heal my broken heart, but He’s waiting for me to do the hard work of letting go first.
You might ask what this has to do with my being a fitness coach? Well, for the past two weeks and for another one after this I am engaged in a Challenge with some other coaches from my team. It’s hard. Let me tell you. There is a super strict meal plan and exercise schedule with the added threat of being kicked out of the group if you don’t stick to both. I know, sounds kind of harsh, but sometimes you just need an added push to meet those goals. One day last week I was getting frustrated with the meal plan. I was just sick of eating basically the same things every day. I really thought about cheating, but then….you know those days when you go to church and are pretty sure God hand fed your pastor a sermon just for your benefit. And so the message of last week’s sermon was this: Comfort is the enemy of growth in your life, and true growth begins where my comfort zone ends. I could almost hear God saying, “Suck it up, buttercup.” And just like that I was set for this week. But then yesterday came. I hadn’t slept at all the night before and I was at school all morning with the kids because it was the last day of school here. I was tired and frustrated with the meal plan again with the added irritation of not wanting to work out. So I didn’t and I really went to bed last night with all the excuses I could think of for why it was a good idea that I quit the group today. God didn’t use words this time. I was driving home from picking up dinner tonight and I got caught by the beauty of the sunset. Now I’ve seen a million sunsets, but tonight I stopped my car, like four times, to take pictures.
You know those moments when He speaks to you in His quiet way? Tonight He reminded of me of His majesty, of just how big He is, and how small my worries are in comparison. Tonight He emblazoned onto my heart the beauty of His love for me. He did after all paint the fading night sky just for me tonight!
Tell me how God reminds you of His bigness when your challenges threaten to break you?