Forgiving those who you feel have wronged you sets you free.  I know that sounds wrong.  But really, think about it.  Worrying about you being upset isn’t keeping them up at night.  Chances are their life isn’t effected at all.  They may not even know you are holding onto unforgiveness.  It’s you who is turning yourself inside out worrying about it.  It can be a difficult task, this forgiving.  Good thing God is always there to lend us the strength and the grace we need.  He will not only help you to forgive, but to walk out that forgiveness as well.

Scripture is full of the command to forgive as we have been forgiven.

Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.

–Colossians 3:13

Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ God forgave you.

–Ephesians 4:32

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me?  Up to seven times?”  Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.”

–Matthew 18:21-22

If Jesus can ask forgiveness for the ones who are casting lots for his clothes even as he hangs on the cross (Luke 23:34) you can certainly forgive your ex.  Forgive him for everything he said or didn’t say.  Forgive him for walking away from you and for refusing to fight for the love you once shared.  Forgive him for all the grievances you hold against him, real or perceived.  I promise it will make you feel so much better when you do.  It will make you feel lighter.  More at peace.

Forgive him.  Wish him well and set him free.  Set yourself free in the process.
Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

Another way to reduce the stress in your world is to organize it.  Clutter and chaos just add to an already stressful time of life.  Plus, it will keep you busy, for awhile anyway.

I am an awful housekeeper.  That bugged my ex so very much.  I’ve been taking steps to be better at keeping the house picked up.  I feel better when I can walk into a room and not immediately have a to do list start in my head.  I started small with simply making the bed every morning as soon as I got up.  When I had that down I picked something else.  Now, I do the dishes every night before I go to bed.  Some nights, no make that most nights, I really don’t want to do the dishes, but I always feel so much better when they are done.  And I have a clean kitchen to mess up every morning!  I love to cook.  The cleaning up part, not so much.  It takes some discipline on my part to keep at it, but I feel so much better about life when my space is clean and organized.  Don’t get me wrong, I am still in the process of cleaning out the clutter.  I come by the pack rat gene honestly.  I have so much stuff.  My general goal is to throw something out, either in the trash or in the donate/ yard sale pile, every day for this first little while.  Until everything has it’s own place.  My house is a project in it’s own right.  After I get the clutter under control I am going after painting all the walls!  It gives me something to do now and something to look forward to later.

If you hate cleaning do something to make it fun.  Like when I vacuum, the dog attacks the vacuum cleaner.  It’s hilarious!  The only way to do the dishes right is with the music turned up, well maybe not while the babies are in bed, while dancing around the kitchen!  Takes so much longer, but at least it’s more fun that way!  I have no idea how to make folding and putting away laundry fun.  It is my very least favorite chore.  (Insert frowny face here.)

Seems simple, but it is working to make my world feel a little more peaceful and not as crazy.  It’s reducing a little bit of the stress in my world.  Keeps me busy while God works on stitching the pieces of my heart back together.

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

There are so many things that are left over after a relationship has ended.  The things that made up your life together.  These things can serve as fond memories or as distractions that keep you from moving on.  They can deepen your pain and keep you bound to someone who was never meant to be yours.

They are everywhere.  On your phone, your computer, strewn throughout your house.  You can never really wipe the existence of someone out of your life completely.  From where I sit right now I can see two books he gave me, and a print out of a verse he asked me to memorize that has become one of my favorites.  And the slippers he gave me for Christmas last year are on my feet.

The thing is, you don’t really have to get rid of absolutely everything.  You know those things that will tempt you.  The things that you catch yourself staring at only causing yourself more pain.  For me, it’s the pictures and the text messages and the voice messages on my phone.  I am fairly auditory, so all I’ve wanted is to hear his voice.  I’ve put all the letters and the photos that were around the house in a box.  Those don’t bother me anymore.  But the things that were on my phone, well they kind of haunted me.   So, one day I sat down and I deleted them.  All the photos, the text messages, the walkie talkie app that I only used with him.  It’s tricky though.  Those things will hide from you.  I found photos from the night we got our puppy in a random folder on my phone this week.  Truth is I don’t need the pictures to remember the moments.  They are all stored securely inside my head and heart.  But I was using them to torture myself, so they had to go.

What are you holding onto that is keeping you in pain?  Are you able to put it away and have it out of sight, out of mind, or are more drastic measures required?

Maybe you’re hoping your guy will come back and are hesitant to let go of the memories?  Let me reassure you, God will make new memories for the two of you if you’re meant to be.  The old ones are just serving to keep you bound in pain. God wants to see you set free.  Let the past go.  You don’t live there anymore.  Sometimes you have to let go of the old to make room for the new.  I promise you, God has something new in store for you.  Maybe it’s a new chapter in an old relationship, but maybe it’s a whole new relationship that will surpass anything you could have even thought to dream for.  Make room for it in your life and in your heart.

 

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

When you’re in the midst of pain it can be hard to focus on anything else, and harder still to find anything to be grateful for.  So today I am posing a challenge to you.  That’s right.  You.  Each and every day I want you to sit down with pen and paper and write something, anything that you are grateful for.  It might take a while to identify those things you are grateful for at first, but it will become easier as you keep with it.  Are you with me?

Just so you know, I would never ask you to do something I don’t do myself.  I have this pretty journal, it is purple with butterflies on it, and it’s only purpose is to write down what I’m grateful for every day.  It’s something that was prompted by the book One Thousand Gifts by Ann Voskamp.  If you’re a reader I highly recommend that you pick up a copy!  You don’t necessarily need a book to start this exercise.  You can start right now.  Grab a notebook or a piece of paper.  Get a pen or whatever you want to write with.  Now think hard.  What was good in your world today?  Leave your answer in the comments below if you want!  It doesn’t have to be something big and profound.  It can be as simple as I am grateful that I woke up this morning.  Make sure that isn’t you only answer every day!

I’ll go first!  Today I am grateful for reminders of God’s promises.  I’m grateful for avocados.  (I have had a serious avocado craving for the last few days.)  I am grateful for my crazy cat and dog who keep constant watch over me when the boys aren’t here.  I am grateful for tender moments between my boys that I catch without them seeing me.

Now it’s your turn!  If you need more accountability than just yourself and a piece of paper to get this habit started grab a friend who will help you.  I have a friend who is also having some troubles.  She lives across the country, but with all the technology available that doesn’t matter.  One of us texts the other every night with the same question.  “What was good today?”  And we each answer that question.

This is a good habit to form, not just when you’re hurting, but every day.  I find that the world seems a little bit sunnier when you can look through the rain and find the rainbow there.  I urge you to find something to be grateful for in each and every day!

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I am linking this post up with the Who God Says You Are link-up!

Relationships are hard.  Love is hard.  If I could go back and do it all over again I would do some things different.  I would do some things better.  I am far from perfect and I make tons of mistakes, but I would like to think that given the chance I usually learn from them and come back better the next time.

There is nothing I can do about my faded relationship.  It doesn’t matter how much I want him if he doesn’t want me back.  I think of him and our time together day and night.  Which helps with the task at hand.  While we both had a hand in the destruction of our relationship.  There’s nothing I could have or can do about his part in it.  That is his to ponder.  But what  I can do is examine my own missteps that led up to our end.  He was the greatest love of my life up until this point.  Loosing him has been the hardest season of life I have had to walk through.  I am determined to do everything in my power not to have to go through this again.  How do I propose to do that you might ask?  It’s simple really.  I am committing to spending time thinking back to my time with him and looking for the things that I could have done better.  The places where I didn’t communicate with him well, or the times when I was selfish and didn’t think of his needs.  The times when I was not the best version of myself.  I’m gonna think about those times.  Turn them over and over in my mind until I come up with ways I could have done them better.  I’m gonna pray over those particular faults of mine.  Ask God to help me to grow in those areas.  And hope beyond hope that one day I will get the chance to be a better woman for someone somewhere down the road.  I want to learn from the mistakes I made so I don’t make them all over again the next time.

It is a daunting thought to think of another love coming along.  It seems scary right now to trust someone that much again.  But I am going to strive to be a better version of me the next time around.  I want to be a better woman.  Now for my children and later for the right man.  The one who will have the fortitude to stay and fight for us, to stand up and lead the way for our family.  The one who will love me through all my flaws, and give me the conviction to always strive to be a better me.

 

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

I had all these plans made.  Plans for sleeping arrangements when there were two more kids in the house when his came to stay with us.  Plans for what trees to let him cut down in the yard.  Plans for making a life together.  All those plans burned to the ground the day he walked away.  I was left with ashes.  I have to believe something beautiful will grow from those ashes.  But I’m impatient for some sign of growth.
A line from my favorite poem, Wait by Russell Kelfer, springs to mind right now.  “My most precious answer of all is still, “Wait.”  It’s talking about God’s answer to prayers.  God’s answer of wait just means that He is working everything out.  He is moving all of the different pieces into the correct places so it all works for our good (Romans 8:28).

So I wait.  I want the story that God writes for me, not the one I write for myself.  His stories are always so much better than the ones I make up.  So I wait.  Will He send him back to me?  Will we be able to salvage our friendship one day?  Will the beauty of a love that is real and lasting form in the place of the one that left me?  I believe that something beautiful can grow from the ashes I am left with.  God can build something beautiful.  God will build something beautiful from the ashes.  I have to believe something beautiful will grow from this or I will succumb to the part of me that is struggling to believe that love is real.

I don’t know what God’s plan is for the next chapter of my life, but here is what my beauty from ashes looks like.  On some undetermined day in the future I would love to be able to be friends with my ex again.  We were friends for years before we started dating.  Not just friends, but great friends.  I miss that.  I think the litmus test for when I’ll be ready for that is when I can see him or hear his voice and not instantly want to tell him how much I still love him and how I miss us.  When I can think of him with someone else and not have it effect me at all.  I know I’m not there yet right now.  But I hope to be one day.  We have had a lot of things happen between us in the months since we split.  I really do hope that we can get past them one day.  Beauty can grow from ashes.  I just know it can.

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

My world has run on pure chaos pretty much since I had kids.  Honestly it never really worked.  I stay stressed out and the kids pretty much run wild.  Right now as I’m walking through this season of heartache it works even less.  I am unfocused and distracted.  Structure isn’t just for the kids.  I need it too.  I need something to focus on to remove my focus from my aching heart.  So I made a plan.

Here is my plan:

My goal is to get up between 5:30 and 6:00 in the morning.  I am not a morning person, so I know that I need a little time alone to wake and get ready for the loudness that is the kids the cat and the dog in the mornings.  I need a little time to spend with God before the da gets away with me.  I tend to take the computer to bed with me and watch tv until I fall asleep.  That makes for a grumpy mommy in the morning.  So, my first rule is just for me.  No more watching tv in bed.  This one is going to be hard for me.

I want to spend more time reading the Bible with my boys.  They love AWANAS on Wed. nights and Lucas gets so excited about the scriptures he’s able to memorize.  So I want to start small and read a Psalm with them at breakfast.  We usually read Bible stories at night before bed already.

At dinner time we sit at the table together.  Sometimes I let them watch tv shows on my computer at the table.  Sometimes I don’t.  I want to limit my own personal distractions at dinner, so every night at 6:00 I plug up my phone to charge in my bedroom.  That takes away the pull on emails coming in or social media alerts or whatever else pops up on my screen.  I am able to focus in on spending time with my boys.

Last, the electronics get turned off for the night at 7:00.  (I of course get mine back after the kids are in bed.  LOL.)  We watch tv together or read books.  Just spend some time at the end of the day together.  At 7:30 they start getting ready for bed.  Usually if I make them start heading that way at 7:30 they are actually in bed by 8:00 when bedtime really is.

That’s it.  Just a few small manageable changes to start with.  A little bit of structure added in to pull my focus off of the feelings going on inside of me and refocus my attention on what’s going on around me.  Just a little bit of scheduled structure to reduce the stress in my household.  Maybe your world could use a little bit of structure too?  I encourage you, if you are going to make some changes, to add in just a few small changes to start with.  When you have those down add in some others if you want.  Making changes stick is easiest when you take small manageable steps forward.

I’m going to be really honest right now and say that some days the changes above don’t happen.  Sometimes we get off schedule and everything is up in the air.  When days like that happen give yourself some grace.  Embrace the day you have been handed.  Change is almost never immediate.  Just try again tomorrow.

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

You read that right.  I want you to get mad.  That may seem like odd advise.  You have to have the proper motivation to stand up and fight for yourself.  Anger properly harnessed can give you the will to stand up for yourself.  To fight for what you deserve.  And to see more clearly the ways you have been mistreated.  The ways your feelings and needs have been overlooked.  It will give you the strength needed to do the hard things that have to be done for healing to happen.

Loving him doesn’t mean I can’t be angry with him too.  The way I see it, he gets one decision.  He decided he didn’t want to be with me.  Until the aftermath of that decision dies down, that is the only one he gets that impacts my life.  Now I get to decide if and when I’m ready to be friends.  That has been the major issue with us since we broke up.  I told him over and over again that I need room to get over us, over him, before I can be his friend.  But he wanted to be friends now, so he pushed and pushed until finally it all blew up.  I finally stood up for myself and demanded what I deserve.  This isn’t about him.  It’s about me demanding the space my heart needs to heal from the damage he’s already done to it. Why couldn’t he just give me the room I needed?  It feels like it’s been a fight from the very beginning.  What he wants verses what I need to be able to move on.  The issue was pushed and now we’ve both lost.  I stood up for myself and my needs and he got angry and said he doesn’t want to talk to me anymore.  I don’t know if we will ever be able to be friends again after all this.  And it makes me mad.

I do not need him!  I love him and I want him, but I do not need him.  The feelings I have will dissipate eventually.  I lived before him and I will survive to live after all the feelings are gone.  But I refuse to make myself small anymore to meet his wants over my own needs.  He got one decision.  That’s the only one he gets that concerns my life.  I let him call the shots for the first four months of this break up, but now I’m taking charge of my own world.  See, he isn’t concerned with how I’m feeling or what I need.  He just wants what he wants when he wants it, with no regard for me.

You have to stand up and fight for yourself.  Your ex doesn’t have what’s best for you in mind.  If he were that concerned with your feelings you probably wouldn’t be going through the heartache in the first place.  He had the chance to stay and instead he walked away.  That’s the only decision he gets!

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

The healing process is a battle.  Plain and simple the devil is fighting like crazy to keep you in bondage to pain.  He is fighting to make you doubt God and the plan He has for your life going forward from this point.  He will throw everything he has at you to distract you.  To make you think you aren’t worth fighting for.  To make you think you will never make it past this season.  The thing is he’s working with a bag of old tricks.

For victory in battle you need the right weapons.  Lets start with knowledge.  The devil is fighting a loosing battle.  See the battle has already been fought and guess who doesn’t win?  That’s right, Satan ends up on the loosing side in the end.  If you need a reminder of how that final battle goes just take a stroll through the book of Revelations.  We talked about prayer here.  Take it, whatever it is that you are struggling with, to God in prayer and let Him fight on your behalf.

Now, I want to settle in and stay awhile on scripture.  Specifically scripture memorization.  God gave us a fully armed arsenal with everything we need for any situation we face.  All we have to do is open it.  Or better yet, memorize some verses.  Ingrain then so deeply on the tablet of your heart that recalling them is as natural as breathing.  It’s good to have a few verses on hand to pull out and throw back at the enemy when he attacks.  Below are some of my go to memory verses.

 

For the word of God is quick, and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the dividing asunder of soul and spirit, and of the joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart. –Hebrews 4:12 KJV

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ –Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; they rod and thy staff they comfort me. –Psalms 23:4 KJV

 

The way I learned to memorize scripture is pretty easy.  We used to memorize five verses a week.  The first time I could remember one without having just looked at it, I was so excited and proud!  So, here’s how I did it.  First I always wrote the verse down in a notebook.  Then you read the verse out loud five times twice a day.  Be sure to memorize the scripture reference as well.  Say it before and after you say the verse.  That’s it.  Seems easy right?  I promise you it works if you genuinely try and put your heart into it.

The devil will throw everything he has at you to try to keep you from healing.  Every word spoken in anger.  Every doubt you have about the future.  He will bring every single thing you miss about your ex to mind as often as you will let him.  The enemy will confuse you and do everything he can to make your emotions and feelings run rampant.  You have to stand up and fight for yourself.  Arm yourself with the knowledge that the final battle has already been fought and won.  Give God the power to fight on your behalf by going to Him in prayer.  And memorize the Word of God.  The Word isn’t called the sword for nothing.  Every time you utilized one of the weapons God has equipped you with you gain a little bit of ground.  You get a little bit stronger.  Stand up and fight!

 

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.

So, I’ve been talking and talking and talking.  I’ve poured out every thought that rolls around in my head over and over again.  I just need to talk.  It’s how I process the ever changing emotions and the ever present pain that goes along with a broken heart.

It’s ok to talk.  And talk and talk and talk.  But,  I always try to make sure I speak gently about this man that I love.  This man who left me.  This man who broke my heart into a million pieces.  I speak my heart, but I try to make sure my words aren’t ugly or hurtful.  It would be easy to lash out and say awful hurtful things, but what does that really accomplish.  It won’t make me feel any better and it definitely won’t hurt him.  Trying to hurt him with the words you use when you speak of him doesn’t really work.  He has moved on.  It hurts you.  It hurts your walk with God.  It hurts your character.  I don’t want to be the person who lashes out with my words when I’m hurt.  I want to be peaceful and gentle.  Someday I want to be able to look back on this time and not have many regrets about the things I said.  He is someone I love.  Why would I want tear him down?  If the impossible were to someday happen and he were to come back, how would I reconcile the words I spoke in anger in this season.  How would I apologize for that?  How would I be trustworthy after that?  Speak gently when you speak of the one who broke your heart.  Don’t let your pain become the devil’s foothold in your life.  Don’t give him permission to speak through you.  Our tongues have the power of life and death (Proverbs 18:21).  Do you want to be like Christ and speak life or like to devil and speak death over people?  Who do you want to be?  Right now in this moment, when you are in pain, when you’re not thinking as clearly as you sometimes do, this is the moment that defines who you are.  How you deal with the emotions you’re dealing with now colors who you will be going forward from this point.   I am not perfect, but I really hope that most days I am walking more closely with God than with the devil.  I hope that even now in the midst of pain I am taking steps towards being more like God today than I was yesterday.

 

Godspeed,
Mollie <3

Only God can heal a broken heart, but there are things we can do to help foster self healing. This post is part of my series 31 Days of Self Healing. You can find the rest of the posts for this series here.